Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
