Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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