I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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