So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
