so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
