I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
