I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
