Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
