i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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