...so i touched it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she smelled like a LAN party
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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