I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
