Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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