we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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