yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
