Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
