a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
