i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
