I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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