my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
