I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
