I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
