so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize