She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
