I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
