we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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