I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
