Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize