I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
