If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
