I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
