I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize