I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
