she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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