I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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