woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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