Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
