Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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