dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
