hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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