Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
