I want to have your abortion
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
