I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
