Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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