i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We left the knife in your bed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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