Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just pee around me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
