my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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