I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
