I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
