I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
