I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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