my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
