Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize