who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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