The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
