oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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