I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I did not marry a roomba.
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