I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
