Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
