I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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