So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
