So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
