I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
