It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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