Pregnant stripper...not hot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
