We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize