Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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