everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
