Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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