So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
