you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
