Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize