Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
